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| The Federalist |
| 04.11.05 (9:59 pm) [edit] |
April 6, 2005
Note: Townhall.com columnist Mike Adams wrote a column on Tuesday that caused hundreds of Townhall.com readers to recommend we make it more widely available to all subscribers.
Townhall.com columnist Mike Adams
What can you do to fight such a thing? Mike S. Adams
April 5, 2005
Hi there! It's Mike Adams - the guy you were just talking about in your Canadian feminist chat room. I thought we had the angriest feminists here in the States until I read the following, which was sent to me from within the ranks of my "supposed readership":
"What can you do to fight such a thing? Townhall's Doctor Professor Mike Adams, PhD is an inveterate liar who has been accused of making up correspondence from his supposed readership to advance his patently women-hating views (...there is some scuttle-butt going around that he's in fact a self-hating homosexual who goes on 'hunting' trips with another suspected closet case and former-drug-dealer-turned -anti-feminist-mall-preac her/whacko Doug Giles).
I really wish that country had some respect for ethics in public discourse, but it obviously doesn't."
Well, now that you are reading the full text of your remarks - remarks you never expected to see broadcast in an internationally-read column - you are becoming painfully aware of the fact that I am not guilty of "making up correspondence" from a fictitious readership. Since anti-male feminist whackos really exist, there's no need for fabrication.
Your conclusion that my criticism of homosexuals makes me a homosexual is one I have heard repeatedly (though only from liberals). Of course, by using the label "gay" to insult me, you are now guilty of criticizing homosexuality. I guess that means you're gay, too. Maybe everyone is gay (with the possible exception of SpongeBob SquarePants).
Before I proceed, I want you to know that I do agree with the last line of your blog entry. Journalistic ethics are indeed suffering in the States. Even though we got rid of Dan Rather, a few minutes of listening to Peter Jennings confirms the veracity of your statement. He's not from Canada, too, is he?
The question you posed to your fellow feminists-"What can be done to stop such a thing?"-was also a good one. The "thing" you referred to was the ridicule of campus feminists by internet writers like myself who, unlike real journalists, wear pajamas and work in their bedrooms.
We are causing you a lot of grief these days because our audience is growing and you can't seem to do anything about it. For example, when I run an article criticizing feminists for marching across campus chanting obscene words and selling reproductive organ shaped lollipops to students, it is sent out to hundreds of thousands of readers by midnight.
The next day, my friend Neil Boortz usually links my articles on his website. Then, my friend David Horowitz runs my column on his. I then do an audio version of the column for Doug Giles on ClashRadio. Then, there are the newspaper reprint requests that follow.
Before you know it, your radical brand of anti-male feminism has been broadcast to millions of people. And it all begins on the internet at Townhall.com.
I have some bad news for you, too. It is about to get even worse.
Last week we started a fund-raising drive, which seeks a Town Hall record of $250,000 over the course of two weeks. It sounds ambitious but we always meet our goals. This time will be no different.
What will be different is that Town Hall, which recently became independent of the Heritage Foundation, will be using the money to drastically expand its operations as soon as the fund-raiser is completed. That will involve, among other things, expanding the overnight mailing list to a volume of one million.
That means "right-wing whackos" like Mike Adams, Ann Coulter, Suzanne Fields, John Leo, Michelle Malkin, Phyllis Schlafly, and Ben Shapiro will have an even greater platform from which to ridicule your brand of left-wing militant feminism.
Years ago, when radical feminists began to use the educational system to sexualize our young daughters-to make them hate men, their parents, and even their unborn children-we asked ourselves the following question: What can you do to fight such a thing?
We found the answer on TownHall.com. Will you join the fight today with your contribution?
©2005 Mike S. Adams
For up-to-date campaign progess, please visit our Pledge Drive page. You can make a contribution through our secure online form or by mailing it to this address:
Townhall.com
214 Massachusetts Avenue, N.E.
Suite 310
Washington, D.C. 20002-4999
Attn: Pledge Drive
NOTE: Due to Townhall.com's changed status, donations are no longer tax-deductible. This change removes the IRS charitable organization limits on issue advocacy and political activity.
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| More KOC |
| 09.17.04 (10:12 am) [edit] |
Hey, it's time to join up people, age 3's duration is starting to run out, join fast.
http://www.kingsofchaos.com/recruit.php?uniqid=5y337c52" title="http://www.kingsofchaos.com/recruit.php?uniqid=5y337c52" target="_blank"http://www.kingsofchaos.com/r...
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| Kings of Chaos |
| 09.16.04 (5:02 pm) [edit] |
I would like to introduce, or maybe even reintroduce, a wonderfull game that has kept me from being bored for years now. This game is, of course, called Kings of Chaos. It is text based and somewhat turn based. I know what some of you are thinking, believe me I thought this same exact thing, "Turn based, fuck that shit." This is how it works, you start up your "base" with cash soldiers and several other things. This is where the "turns" come into play, every 30 minutes you recieve a turn. You can then use these turns to do things such as attack, spy, or even sabotage other players. Plus, after every 30 minutes you recieve a cash bonus based on what race and how many soldiers you have. Now you're probably thinking, "Ok, I'm interested, but how much is this gonna cost me." Nothing, and if your a tight assed cheap mother fucker just like me, that is your favorite price, plus if you are ranked high enough at the end of a certain period you can win shit too. All you have to do now is go to the link below to sign up.
http://www.kingsofchaos.com/recruit.php?uniqid=5y337c52" title="http://www.kingsofchaos.com/recruit.php?uniqid=5y337c52" target="_blank"http://www.kingsofchaos.com/r...
Thanks for the help, hope to see you there.
Scarface26
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| More Kerry info |
| 07.01.04 (5:45 pm) [edit] |
JOHN FORBES KERRY, "MAN OF THE PEOPLE"
CAREER OBJECTIVE
President of the United States, Renter of the Lincoln bedroom,
Intern Supervisor, Commander and Chief and Defender of the Working
Man, I mean Person
EDUCATION
Educated at Swiss Boarding Schools -- because my parents did not
like me that much
Attended elite private schools like Fessenden School in West
Newton, Massachusetts and St. Paul's in New Hampshire -- just
like your kids
Graduated Yale University, 1966 (I am much smarter than that Bush
guy -- oh, wait, he also went to Yale.)
Graduated Boston College Law School in 1976 (I am much smarter
than that Bush guy -- oh, wait, he got an MBA from Harvard.)
VIETNAM MILITARY SERVICE
Served as an officer on a swiftboat in the Mekong Delta in
VIETNAM for three long months -- tried my best to come home a
hero like JFK after his service on PT-109. I was in VIETNAM --
VIETNAM was a place where I was for a while. Did I mention that
VIETNAM veterans love me?
I collected three Purple Hearts in my three months (had to get
three in order to come home and run for Congress as a hero like
JFK) and the last one for that scratch on my finger -- it REALLY
did hurt! It was important to have the right connections so I
could get home and run for Congress on my hero status like JFK --
he was not in VIETNAM, but I was.
Brought my own motion camera to make sure images of me in VIETNAM
becoming a hero made it back home to the states. Got a free trip
home after three months on my swiftboat where I suffered severe
injuries and collected three Purple Hearts (did I mention that),
a Bronze and Silver Star for heroism -- ensuring my destiny as
a hero and man of the people like JFK.
Got home and found out they were not bestowing hero status on
war heroes like me, so I threw my medals, or was it my ribbons,
over the White House fence. Maybe it was someone else's medals.
Co-founder of the VIETNAM Veterans of America and spokesperson
for the VIETNAM Veterans Against the War and worked closely with
Jane Fonda to make sure everyone knew that all the guys in VIETNAM
were war criminals -- I was too, and even testified before the
Senate about my own war crimes.
"Represented" my cadre of anti-American misfits in a Paris meeting
to discuss how we could better provide "aid and comfort" for
the North Vietnamese and to discuss the unconditional surrender
of the U.S. In doing so, I knowingly, directly violated UCMJ
Article 104 part 904, and U.S. Code 18 U.S.C. 953.
Did I mention that this meeting, and my other anti-American
activities, also put me in violation of the Constitution's Article
three, Section three, which defines treason as "giving aid and
comfort" to the enemy in time of warfare.
Consequently, I stand subject to the Constitution's Fourteenth
Amendment, Section 3, which states, "No person shall be a Senator
or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and
Vice-President...having previously taken an oath...to support
the Constitution of the United States, [who has] engaged in
insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or
comfort to the enemies thereof."
But I don't have to resign -- I am understudy to Teddy Kennedy,
now the patriarch of JFK's family.
I topped off my coddling of Commies by authoring a book called The
New Soldier -- but since military heroes are back in vogue, I now
sue anyone who reproduces the cover of that book on any website,
especially a website like http://kerry-04.com/. (The cover picture
is a mockery of the Iwo Jima flag raising -- you can see it at
http://kerry-04.com/" title="http://kerry-04.com/" target="_blank"http://kerry-04.com/ until my lawyers get them to take it down.)
NOTE: Please join fellow Patriots and sign the
petition demanding John Kerry's resignation. Link to --
http://www.PatriotPetitions.US/Kerry" title="http://www.PatriotPetitions.US/Kerry" target="_blank"http://www.PatriotPetitions.U... (If you don't have Web access,
please send a blank e-mail to:
Each e-mail sent to this address will be counted as one signature
for the petition.)
CONGRESSIONAL "SERVICE"
Volunteered as a campaign worker for my mentor, Teddy Kennedy
in 1962. I just love that big lug!
My first campaign for Congress was in 1972 -- I was a war
hero like JFK but nobody noticed so I ran on my anti-American
platform. I won the primary with a little help from my campaign
manager (brother Cameron) who broke into my opponents campaign
headquarters. Unfortunately, because of that Watergate thing,
I lost the general election to a Republican even after spending
more than any other Congressional campaign in the nation.
In 1982, with the help of Uncle Teddy, I got elected as lieutenant
governor for governor Michael Dukakis -- then got elected to the
Senate in 1984 -- it has been smooth sailing ever since.
I have dedicated the last 20 years, between wives and vacation
homes, promoting big government spending (except in defense and
intelligence, which I vote against every chance I get), class
warfare, the welfare state and general wealth redistribution, any
kind of abortion on demand (without parental consent for minors),
and obstructionist tactics in the judicial nominee process.
According to Americans for Democratic [sic] Action, a far-left
watchdog group, I have a higher lifetime liberal voting record
at 93% than Ted Kennedy with 88%
I am the ranking Democrat member of the Committee on Small Business
and Entrepreneurship. My current millionaire wife is heiress of
the Heinz Ketchup fortune -- a "small" business
Ranking member of the Hispanic Task Force, even though I "borked"
Miguel Estrada
Chaired the Senate Democratic Leadership Steering and Coordination
Committee
In 1987, teemed up with Teddy to get an override of presidential
veto of Boston's Big Dig Boondoggle -- one of the most larded
distributions of taxpayer largess in U.S. history.
In 1991 the Senate created the Select Senate Committee on POW/MIA
Affairs to investigate the possibility that U.S. prisoners of
war and soldiers designated missing in action were still alive
in Vietnam. Acting as chairman, I helped persuade the group to
vote unanimously that no American servicemen still remained in
Vietnam. In doing so, I helped begin the process of normalizing
U.S.-Vietnamese relations.
Wealthiest senator ("man of the people"), with an estimated net
worth of nearly $200 million (that's $800 million if you combine
it with my current wife's assets)
POLITICAL POSTURING AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
ABORTION
Voted to federally fund abortions
Voted against parental consent for minors
Voted against ban on Partial Birth Abortion (3 times)
Voted against ban on sending money to UN population fund --
the money was sent to pay for China's forced abortion and
sterilization policy
Have been warned by Catholic clergy that I will not be served
communion due to my stance on this issue
NARAL lifetime rating of 100%; National Right to Life
Committee lifetime rating of 0%
DEATH PENALTY
Oppose federal and/or state death penalty (except for innocent
unborn children -- see above)
Voted against death penalty for terrorists
Voted against death penalty for drug-related murders
TAXES & ECONOMICS
I like high taxes and want to raise them
Voted against all three Bush tax cuts & want to repeal them
Voted for 1993 Clinton tax hike (largest in history)
Voted against major tax relief packages at least 10 times
Support re-raising taxes on the wealthy to redistribute money
for healthcare and education -- i.e., Socialism
Claim I can stop outsourcing and create 10 million new jobs in
four years, despite the fact that there are only about 8
million unemployed people in the U.S.
Want to raise the minimum wage, which will result in
outsourcing and the loss of jobs Voted at least 5 times
against balanced budget amendments
Voted at least 5 times to raid the Social Security Trust Fund
Believe Washington manages your money better than you could
Lifetime rating of 26% from Citizens Against Government Waste
MILITARY & NATIONAL SECURITY
We don't need a military, per se
Favor UN control of remaining U.S. Troops
Voted for 7 major reductions in military funding
Voted against Gulf War I (1991)
Voted for Gulf War II -- but then criticized and voted against
military appropriation for troops
Voted against MX missile, Trident Submarine, SDI (Strategic
Defense Initiative -- Star Wars), and the B-1 and B-2 Stealth
Bomber/Fighter
Supported slashing $2.6 billion from intelligence funding
while serving as a member of Senate Intelligence Committee
SECOND AMENDMENT
Against
Have earned a lifetime rating of 0% from the National Rifle
Association
FAITH & VALUES
Against/Don't have any
Voted Against Defense of Marriage Act
Favor civil unions for homosexuals until marriage is popular
enough to support
Voted to extend hate crimes protections to homosexuals
Voted against voluntary school prayer
Voted against ban on human cloning and support embryonic
stem-cell research
EDUCATION
Voted against voucher pilot program
Voted against approving a school-choice pilot program
Support racial profiling and preference for admission to
universities, known as "affirmative action"
JUDGES, COURTS & LAW
Against racial profiling and preference when dealing with
terrorism
Voted against confirmation William Rehnquist as Chief Justice
of the Supreme Court
Voted against confirmation of Robert Bork and Clarence Thomas
to the Supreme Court
Only support activist judges who will support abortion,
persecute Christians and rewrite the Constitution
Voted against confirmation John Ashcroft as U.S. Attorney
General
Voted against punitive damage limits in products liability
cases
As Michael Dukakis' Lt. Governor from 1983-1985, supported
granting prison furloughs to hundreds of Massachusetts inmates
FOREIGN POLICY
Against linking Most Favored Nation status to China's human
rights record
Voted for Kyoto Protocol on Environment that exempted major
Third World polluters, while creating an unfair burden on
American taxpayers
Supported Iraq regime change as late as January 2003, but not
anymore
Support unilateral nuclear freeze
Support submitting completely to the UN, as well as the
International Criminal Court, taking all sovereignty away
from the U.S. and its citizens
Don't know what the Geneva Conventions say, mean or who
they apply to
OTHER QUALIFICATIONS
Five multi-million dollar mansions
A large multi-million dollar yacht
Many "American" cars, including several gas-guzzling SUVs, which
I am opposed to politically
Personal 757 campaign jet
Access to unlimited condiments -- did I mention my current
millionaire wife is heiress to the Heinz fortune
Have dual citizenship in France
REFERENCES
General Vo Nguyen Giap -- most celebrated military hero of NORTH
VIETNAM, where I served
"Hanoi Jane" Fonda
Teddy Kennedy
John F. Kennedy -- we have the same initials
Howard Dean -- (Albert Gore by proxy)
Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings
"Foreign Leaders" who I am unable to name at this time
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| The Real JFK, yeah right! |
| 04.29.04 (4:41 pm) [edit] |
Just who is John Forbes Kerry, the presumed Democrat presidential nominee? His answer, of course, depends on who is asking. Like so many Leftists, John Kerry is a case study in hypocrisy.
Kerry, the meticulously coiffed inheritance-welfare playboy, professes to be an Everyday Joe, a populist man of the people. Kerry, the Vietnam "war hero" who shamelessly surrounds himself with a "band of brothers" at every campaign stop, once cuddled with Hanoi Jane Fonda and has since opposed nearly every defense- and intelligence-spending program during his Senate tenure. Kerry, the self-described moderate whose rise to political power began under the tutelage of Teddy Kennedy, was recently named "Most Liberal Senator" by the National Journal, with a composite score of 96.5. All told, John Kerry's representation of his record -- his life, in fact -- leaves one longing for a Democrat candidate with the unimpeachable honesty of Bill Clinton. Indeed, Friend of The Federalist James Taranto recently dubbed Senator Kerry "Dukakis without the integrity."
As Federalist No. 04-04 noted, "Kerry, whose campaign appeared moribund just three weeks ago, is now the new-and-improved front-runner of the Demo pack. At first blush, he appears to be a "package" candidate for Demo voters -- the military veteran who was, and remains, an Ivy-league anti-war protestor; the consummate insider who's acting like an outsider; the Senate's wealthiest member (he married well and his middle name is "Forbes" after all) who's acting like a homeless advocate; and the terrorism dove who's taunting our wartime president to "bring it on." Basically, Kerry is running against his own record -- he's against NAFTA but voted for it, he's against the USA Patriot Act but voted for it, he's against Operation Iraqi Freedom but voted for it, etc."
The Kerry campaign insists on keeping his Vietnam record front-and-center. According to his website, "When John Kerry returned home from Vietnam, he joined his fellow veterans in vowing never to abandon future veterans of America's wars. Kerry's commitment to veterans has never wavered and stands strong to this day."
Is that right!
John Kerry may have served with distinction in Vietnam. He did receive a Silver Star after beaching his Swift Boat and chasing a loin-clothed young boy (who was thought to possess a rocket launcher) around the corner of a hut and killing him. (If nothing else, this serves to remind us that war is indeed an ugly business -- and that enemy combatants aren't always attired in combat fatigues.) He also collected three Purple Hearts (though today there is little or no evidence of his wounds received).
Upon his return home, however, Kerry abandoned each and every one of his fellow Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines on the ground in Vietnam -- not to mention the people of South Vietnam -- by fomenting wartime discord. In his now infamous 1971 testimony before Congress, Kerry said American soldiers were war criminals, claiming they "raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs ... poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Vietnam."
Kerry went on: "I personally didn't see personal atrocities in the sense I saw somebody cut a head off or something like that. However, I did take part in free-fire zones, I did take part in harassment and interdiction fire, I did take part in search-and-destroy missions in which the houses of noncombatants were burned to the ground, and all of these acts, I find out later on, are contrary to The Hague and Geneva conventions and to the laws of warfare. So in that sense, anybody who took part in those, if you carry out the application of the Nuremberg Principles, is in fact guilty."
Kerry's protests and testimony did little more than aid and abet the Viet Cong, and his support for Communists did not end in 1971. In fact, it was Kerry who, years later, founded the Senate Select Committee for POW/MIA Affairs with the objective of normalizing relations and trade with the Vietnamese government and ending speculation about MIAs that were captive in Vietnam long after the cease-fire accord. As recently as 2002, Kerry even blocked the Vietnam Human Rights Act from coming to a vote.
And the rest of Kerry's congressional voting record is no better.
Massachusetts's most liberal senator -- check that, America's most liberal senator -- has, over the years, voted against defense-appropriations bills funding weapons that have proved essential to U.S. national security, including the Patriot Missile, the Tomahawk cruise missile and the B-2 stealth bomber. Kerry's voting record also shows his support for cutting funding or altogether canceling existing weapons systems such as the M-1 Abrams tank, the Bradley Fighting Vehicle, the Apache helicopter, B-1 Bomber, F-14, F-15, F-16 and AV-8B Harrier. Kerry also voted against the Navy's Aegis Air Defense Cruiser and Trident Missile System for U.S. submarines.
The Center for Security Policy, a conservative Washington-based think tank committed to "promoting international peace through American strength," has rated Kerry among the worst on Capitol Hill when it comes to national security and defense. In 1995, the Center gave Kerry a score of five out of a possible 100 points. Two years later, Kerry earned a mind-blowing score of exactly zero.
It stands to reason, then, that Kerry has voted against the strategic missile-defense shield, as well as U.S. withdrawal from the antiquated Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty: But while these votes have clearly inhibited U.S. security, Kerry has cast two votes in the past ten years to loosen restrictions on the export of dual-use technology -- the sort of technology that enemies of the United States can convert into weapons and turn against us.
So much for the Massachusetts senator's commitment to the war on terrorism.
True to his Vietnam-era sympathies, John Kerry became one of President Ronald Reagan's most outspoken opponents regarding the policy of militarily suppressing Communist inroads in Latin America. His opposition culminated in a controversial April, 1985, visit to Nicaragua and its Sandinista regime.
Following the Cold War, Kerry's doveliness continued unabated. Following Iraq's seizure of Kuwait in 1990, Kerry voted against authorization for the use of force -- which was more than could be said for Saddam Hussein. In 1995, Kerry was among 29 other senators who voted against ending the arms embargo against the Bosnians, even as Slobodan Milosevic escalated his reign of terror.
Concerning the authorization for the use of force against Iraq last year, however, Senator Kerry had this to say on 23 January 2003: "Without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an oppressive regime ... He presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation ... And now he is miscalculating America's response to his continued deceit and his consistent grasp for weapons of mass destruction ... So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real...."
Kerry now says he believes the war was a mistake, and that he voted to authorize the threat of force, but not the actual use of it. (We at The Federalist can't help but wonder about the seriousness of a post-9/11 presidential candidate so loath to make good on a threat. Kerry's approach won't strike fear into the heart of a schoolyard bully, much less that of a brutal dictator or a murderous band of Jihadist thugs.)
More recently, we note the senator's whiny, thin-skinned response to questions raised over his defense voting record by Republican Sen. Saxby Chambliss -- questions utterly appropriate to anyone aspiring to be commander-in-chief: "[The President has] decided once again to take the low road of American politics. ... Saxby Chambliss, on the part of the president and his henchmen, decided today to question my commitment to the defense of our nation...." And again, when responding to similar queries: "I'd like to know what it is Republicans who didn't serve in Vietnam have against those of us who did." Wait a minute -- you mean John Kerry actually served in Vietnam? Who knew?
Finally, earlier this week Kerry breathed life into the conspiracy theory of a U.S.-led coup against erstwhile Leftist darling and Haitian president/autocrat Jean-Bertrand Aristide, who resigned and fled to Africa early last Sunday morning. Following Aristide's departure, Kerry remarked, "I think there should be some investigation of it. I have a very close friend in Massachusetts who talked directly to people who made that allegation [of a U.S.-led coup]. I don’t know the truth of it. I really don’t. But I think it needs to be explored and we need to know the truth of what happened."
So let's get this straight: Kerry admits he doesn't "know the truth of it," yet he's calling for an investigation because he's got a friend back home who talked to someone who says that the President of the United States ordered the kidnapping of a foreign leader.
This is the best the Democrat Party can offer for President?
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| Bush's Track Record??? |
| 04.26.04 (5:49 pm) [edit] |
I recently recieved an email with President Bush's so called "Track Record."
My statements are surrounded by ()'s at the end of the paragraphs, pretty easy to tell which are mine and which aren't.
Here it is:
I attacked and took over 2 countries. (Iraq and Afgahnistan, why is this bad, he made the US safer. Thanks GW)
I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the US Treasury. (Kinda hard not to when we are fighting in two countries, and have troops in many different countries around the world)
I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history (not easy!). (with the help of Clinton and Clinton's depression, Not GW's. The cause: raising taxes on businesses resulting in lower wages and more layoffs)
I set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any
12 month period. (once again, Clintons fault)
I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market. (what's that, did someone say slick Willy)
I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. (Give him a break, he's from Texas :) )
In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history (tough to beat my dad's, but I did). (shit, the man was probably working 22 hour days with all that was going on, at least he didnt sell nuclear secrets to the Chinese, Clinton)
After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history. (Not entirely Bush's fault, and I'm not going to blame it all on Clinton for this one either, even though I could, I blame the all the presidents after Ronald Reagan left office. 9/11 happened for the same reason that 11/7 did, that's Pearl Harbor for those of you who don't know, it's not your fault. The US thought it was untouchable, something called isolationism)
I set the record for most campaign fund raising trips by any president in US history. (Wow, and he still has time to run the country, and I'm not being sarcastic)
In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs. (did someone say Clinton again???)
I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history. (good, get they're lazy asses back to work)
I set the all-time record for most real estate foreclosures in a 12-month period. (gah, there is someone in my head that keeps yelling Clinton! Clinton! Clinton!!!)
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. (I thought that was Reagon???? could there be a new person all the liberals hate more than Reagon?)
I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president, since the advent of TV. (well, he is a pretty busy man, and we all know what a terrible speaker he is)
I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history. (I got nothing for this one, amending the constitution is usually a bad idea)
I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (15 million isn't that many. Thats only .2335% of the world)
I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. (Yeah, and we probably made more enemies during Bush's presidency than with any other president, so this is not a bad thing)
I 've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history. (We are at war, so we cant be told everything)
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. poorest multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named
after her. (good, then they know how to run a business. And the US is just like a business)
I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously struggle against bankruptcy. (aaahhh, the voices, the terrible terrible voices)
I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world. (Wasn't his fault, just because it happened does not mean it was his fault, he doesnt have much control over that)
I am the first president in US history to order a US attack AND military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the vast majority of the international community. (Most of the biggest countries in the UN were in league Iraq. (that means they were secretly working with with Iraq)
I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States, called the "Bureau of Homeland Security"(only one letter away from BS). (Once again, cant agree with him on everything)
I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US
history (Ronnie was tough to beat, but I did it!!). (HELLO!!!!, we are at war, and RONALD ended the Cold War)
I am the first president in US history to compel the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission. (Okay, the UN is one of the biggest load of crap groups in the history of the US, no, the World)
I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board. (Once again, who cares what the UN does)
I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history. (you cant use the same point twice just to make your list seem longer)
I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. (IT IS!!!!!!!)
I withdrew from the World Court of Law. (So What!!)
I refused to allow in spectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. (not true)
I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US elections. (That's because they kept lying)
I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. (He has good friends)
The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). (means nothing, Bush had no control over Enron)
I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) (he is taken by Secret Service, he does not have a choice)
I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government. (Once again, can't agree with him on everything)
I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history). (HAHAHAHAHAHA, the world already hated us, that's why we were attacked)
I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. (wow, a bunch of people who envy and hate the US saying something bad about us, what a surprise)
I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. (So what, most of the government workers are criminals anyways)
I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. (Caused by 9/11)
I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. (this is the biggest lie on this entire page, the economy was heading down with about half a year left in Clinton's last term. It has taken Bush only four years to repair nearly all the damage that it took Clinton to do in eight)
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available). (according to liberals this is good because you want a person who is imperfect)
I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of war. (Wrong, he has even proven that he was not AWOL with his dental records from that time)
I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use (wink,wink) (name one liberal who was accused of taking drugs who willingly took a drug test)
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. (Prove it. Just because it says so on a neo-nazi website like PETA or Green Peace, does not mean it is true. More than likely anything on a site like that is a complete lie)
All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. (look at the statement above)
All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. (Doubt it)
Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. (once again, read the statement three paragraphs up)
Edited by Scarface
With Love, GEORGE W. BUSH
The White House,
Washington, DC
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| Join Americas Army Today |
| 04.05.04 (10:21 pm) [edit] |
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http://www.americasarmy.com/downloads/
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| Good ol' MacArthur |
| 01.30.04 (3:40 pm) [edit] |
"Part of the American dream is to live long and die young. Only those Americans who are willing to die for their country are fit to live."
- General Douglas MacArthur
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| ooooo |
| 01.25.04 (6:48 pm) [edit] |
one two freddies comin for you.
three four better lock the door.
fie six grab your crucifix.
seven eight gonna stay up late.
nine ten never sleep again!
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| News |
| 01.14.04 (8:05 am) [edit] |
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| short memo |
| 01.12.04 (7:35 am) [edit] |
To:
From:
Date: December 16, 2003
Subject: Proposal to Research the Feasibility of Irradiating Food
Food irradiation is a new technique used to eliminate diseases and germs in food. It would be an alternate to processes like pasteurization, or pressure-cooking used to can food. When food is irradiated, disease-causing germs are reduced or eliminated, the food does not become radioactive, dangerous substances do not appear in the foods, the nutritional value of the food is essentially unchanged.
Food can be irradiated in three different ways, each with a different type of ray/beam: gamma rays, electron beams, and x-rays. The first way to irradiate food is through the use of radiation from radioactive substances. The substances used are either Cobalt or Cesium. They give of high-energy photons called gamma rays. This type of irradiation has been used for thirty years to sterilize medical, dental, and household products. The source of the gamma rays is stored in water, which absorbs all of the rays, and is pulled out into a container surrounded by concrete, which contains all of the gamma rays. The food is put in the container for a short period of time. The source is submerged in the water after it has been used.
Electron beams, or e-beams, are the second way of irradiating food. The e-beam is a stream of high-energy electrons, propelled out of an electron gun. This is similar to the device in the back of a TV, only much larger. This technique involves no radioactivity, and can simply be turned on or off. Some shielding is necessary to protect the workers from the e-beam, but not nearly as much as the gamma rays require. Since the beam can only penetrate approximately an inch deep, the food can only be one inch thick. Two opposing beams can be used to irradiate food that is two inches thick. E-beam medical sterilizers have been in use for at least fifteen years.
The third, and newest, form of irradiating food is X-ray irradiation. X-ray irradiation is a modification of the electron beam form. It is still in development. The X-ray machine is similar to those used in hospitals but it is much more powerful. To produce X-rays, a beam of electrons is directed at a thin plate of gold or other metal, producing a stream of X-rays coming out the other side. Similar to gamma rays, X-rays require heavy shielding to protect the workers. Four commercial X-ray irradiation units have been built in the world since 1996.
Once the food has gone through the process of being irradiated, it still has all its nutritional values and is not dangerous as a result of the irradiation. The ray may slightly warm the food or make it taste different, similar to how pasteurized milk tastes different then milk that hasn’t been pasteurized yet. If the food has living cells, they will be damaged or killed. This can be good, for example, if potatoes are irradiated, they will last longer because they will not going to be able to sprout. Irradiating food does not make it invulnerable to diseases and germs. Irradiated foods also have a longer shelf life due to the fact that they have fewer microbes. Irradiated foods need to stored and treated the same way that non-irradiated foods should.
At a low dose, a wide variety of food that can be irradiated to eliminate insects in crops, as opposed to using fumigation with toxic chemicals. It can also stop molds, or sprouting. At high doses, it can be used to eliminate parasites and bacteria that cause food borne diseases. Irradiation is most useful for raw meats, especially mixed meats like sausages and ground meat. Not all food is suitable for irradiation. Oysters and other raw shellfish could be irradiated, but would also kill the oyster or shellfish, which would greatly reduce its shelf life. Salmonella can be eliminated from eggs with irradiation, but the whites may become milky and more liquid, making them seem older and not cook as well.
There have been a few types of food approved for irradiation in the U.S. In 1963 wheat flour was approved for irradiation to control mold, in 1964 white potatoes were approved for irradiation to inhibit sprouting, in 1986 fruit and vegetables were approved for irradiation to control insects and increase their shelf life, in 1986 herbs and spices were approved for irradiation to be sterilized, in 1990 poultry was approved for irradiation to reduce bacterial pathogens, and in 1997 meat was approved for irradiation to reduce bacterial pathogens.
Although the USDA and the FDA have approved many types of food for irradiation, not all of them are being irradiated in the US. A facility in Florida has been irradiating strawberries and other fruits to prolong their shelf life. Instead of fumigating tropical fruit, it is irradiated before being sent to the mainland. Some spices for commercial use are irradiated. Irradiation is also widely used to sterilize medical and household products.
When the facilities that irradiate food are done, there is no radioactive waste directly from the facility itself. The cobalt used in gamma ray irradiation is sent to a recharging facility and then sent back for further use. It is shipped in steel containers that are tested to be unbreakable. Even if they did break, cobalt would not spread through the environment very easily. Since it has a short half-life of five years and is a stable metallic form, it is not considered to be problematic waste.
There are now over forty countries that have approved using irradiation as a means of cleaning food. Twenty-seven countries have been successful in using irradiation, including Canada, France, Japan, The Netherlands, Belgium, and South Africa. When irradiation is introduced in large quantities to the commercial market, the number of food born disease causing microbes and parasites are expected to fall.
Works Cited
Division of Bacterial and Mycotic Diseases. “Frequently asked questions about food
irradiation”
http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dbm...
American Council on Science and Health. “Irradiated Foods”
http://www.acsh.org/publicati...
Food and Drug Administration. “Food Irradiation: A Safe Measure”
http://www.fda.gov/opacom/cat...
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| One of the greatest generals |
| 12.18.03 (1:13 pm) [edit] |
Don't be a fool and die for your country. Let the other son of a bitch die for his.
-George S. Patton
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
-George S. Patton
Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.
-George S. Patton
[u][b]Now, this one is about Iraq.[/b][/u]
One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half.
-Sir Winston Churchill
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| The greatest president |
| 12.17.03 (1:08 pm) [edit] |
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidise it.
-Ronald Reagan
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.
-Ronald Reagan, Said during a radio microphone test, 1984
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| Say what?? |
| 12.14.03 (9:17 pm) [edit] |
Well, now that we have him, I am willing to bet that we will have the WMDs within the month.
Dont post cuz I'm not gonna read your dumbass coments. Instead, go to the site that says A SPECIAL MESSAGE.
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| http://www.amishrakefight.org/gfy/ |
| 12.11.03 (11:35 pm) [edit] |
http://www.amishrakefight.org/gfy/
I want you all to go to this site.
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| Freedom |
| 12.11.03 (10:37 am) [edit] |
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
-John Stuart Mill
This is one of the best quotes about war and freedom I have ever heard. When people say that there are no clear victors in war or war solves nothing, they obviously are either tree hugging hippies or just plain affraid of standing up for what you believe in. Granted you dont have to fight a war to stand up for what you believe in but sometimes it is neccessary.
Now, back to "there are no clear winners of war". Of course there are clear winners, the Revolutionary war, the Civil War, WWI, and WWII. That's just what I could think of right now. The US/Allies were the clear victors in all of these wars. I see the point that there were so many deaths, but that does not mean it was worth it. If you are not prepared to fight for your freedom, then there is no point in continuing to live. If you dont have freedom, you will not have the freedom to protect yourself. Would you want to put your life in the hands of the government? I know I wouldnt.
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| Quote of the day |
| 12.11.03 (10:18 am) [edit] |
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-Ben Franklin
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| For those of you from sunnier climates |
| 12.10.03 (7:00 pm) [edit] |
this is the "Official Minnesota
temperature Conversion Chart"......
60 above
New Jerseyites try to turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.
50 above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Minnesota sunbathe.
40 above
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.
32 above
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Superior's water gets thicker.
20 above
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly
hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt
15 above
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0
People in Miami all die...
Minnesotans lick the flagpole.
20 below
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.
40 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Minnesota Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until
it gets cold enough.
80 below
Mount St. Helens freezes.
People in Minnesota rent some videos.
100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg
297 below
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Minnesota complain about farmers with cold hands.
460 below
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale).
People in Minnesota start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
500 below
Hell freezes over.
The Vikings win the Super Bowl!
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| Why is Tommy Chong in jail??? |
| 12.10.03 (12:37 pm) [edit] |
From what I have read, Tommy Chong was sentenced to 9 months in jail and was given a $20,000 fine(not sure on this figure) for selling drug paraphernalia on his Nice Dreams web site. All I have been able to gather is that he was selling bongs and pipes, none of which, to my knowledge, are illegal. (If they are illegal in another state, I dont know) I realize that 99% of the people who buy pipes and bongs use them for smoking pot, but they were originally used for smoking tobacco.(I'm probably wrong on this too) No matter what they look like, whether they change color, are tie died, or are incredibly large, they are still legal and considered tobacco products, not drug paraphernalia. Even if they decided to make them illegal, they would have to arrest nearly all the tobacco shop owners, glass shop owners, and other shops that sold products like the ones Tommy Chong was arrested for.
If I am wrong in any way on anything I have said here, tell me and show me where I can find the truth about this.
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| Do you believe in god/God? |
| 12.10.03 (9:10 am) [edit] |
Or, do you believe in heaven or hell? I've been able to find several sources of evidence of hell, many of them were incredibly disturbing, as they should be. Why is it that it seems like we need to be frightend into believing in god and that we will go to hell if we don't believe?
Churches are like cults, if you don't go, you are considered unfaithfull. Why do we feel we need to go to church to be faithfull to "God." I don't know whether or not I believe in "God" or a higher power, but if I ever do figure my beliefs/ideas out, I know I wont be part of any organized religion. Everyone is too worried about being in a group to appreciate their higher power. Simply believing in god and following a simple moral code of ethics is good enough. We put too much emphasis on going to church and not enough on following the bible or whatever religious book you have.
Most of that didnt come out the way i wanted, but then again i was never any good at talking about the things that were important to me. If you were offended by this, no offence was intended, just looking for some advice to give me some direction.
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| Do you believe in hell? |
| 12.07.03 (2:26 am) [edit] |
Several years ago a book was published, entitled Beyond Death's Door by Dr. Maurice Rawlings. Dr. Rawlings, a specialist in Internal Medicine and Cardiovascular Disease, resuscitated many people who had been clinically dead. Dr. Rawlings, a devout atheist, "considered all religion "hocus-pocus" and death nothing more than a painless extinction". But something happened in 1977 that brought a dramatic change in the life of Dr. Rawlings! He was resuscitating a man, terrified and screaming — descending down into the flames of hell:
"Each time he regained heartbeat and respiration, the patient screamed, "I am in hell!" He was terrified and pleaded with me to help him. I was scared to death. . . Then I noticed a genuinely alarmed look on his face. He had a terrified look worse than the expression seen in death! This patient had a grotesque grimace expressing sheer horror! His pupils were dilated, and he was perspiring and trembling — he looked as if his hair was "on end."
Then still another strange thing happened. He said,"Don't you understand? I am in hell. . . Don't let me go back to hell!" . . .the man was serious, and it finally occurred to me that he was indeed in trouble. He was in a panic like I had never seen before."
(Maurice Rawlings, Beyond Death's Door,(Thomas Nelson Inc., 1979) p. 3).
Dr. Rawlings said, no one, who could have heard his screams and saw the look of terror on his face could doubt for a single minute that he was actually in a place called hell!
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| pff |
| 12.07.03 (1:53 am) [edit] |
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If you dont like me or this site go to the link on the left hand side of the screen that says A SPECIAL MESSAGE
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| The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord |
| 12.06.03 (11:54 pm) [edit] |
My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
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